My Name Is Trott Felipe... and I'm An Actor

"In the summer of 2005, I came to Hollywood with only $312 dollars, a car packed with clothes, a 20 inch TV and a Nintendo Gamecube. When I got to my studio apartment, my car broke down and 2 of the wheels fell off. I would never drive it again. I would have to walk everywhere and use LA's shitty public transit system to get from audition to audition. I had to sell drugs to little kids and work at Starbucks just to pay the rent, and that's not even counting utilities. Every person I met didn't become a friend or colleague, they became a stepping stone, somebody that I could use to reach my goals in Hollywood. I would no longer ask "What's your name?" I would ask, "What can you do for me?" My name is Trott Felipe, and I'm an actor."


-Trott Felipe, 1/29/2006 while watching the Screen Actors Guild Awards

Trott Felipe Books Non-Paying Extra Work

This just in, Trott Felipe, one of the greatest actors of the 21st century already, has used his star power to book a gig as an extra on an independant feature through craigslist.com. Although, the job does not pay, it will be a chance for Trott to get some exposure. The film is set to be distributed to various film festivals throughout the country in hopes of being accepted. Also, Trott could recieve 0.0011% of the gross profit of the film in deferred pay if the film makes money. Plus, Trott got a free meal, a chance to work on a "really fun set that creates a good atmosphere," and will recieve a copy of the film when it is completed in 2 months, "guaranteed."
We caught up with Trott to get his reaction from doing the extra work. He had this to say: "Well, first of all bro, thanks for doing the interview, but show some respect. It's "background performer," not "extra." Would you call your "country" a "count" or something? Well...anyway, sorry bros, I just get sensitive about this kind of stuff. It's part of my training as an actor. I'm having a great time working on the set of Zombies Walk At Night, I'm putting in some good work and making great business connections. I think you can even see me in a few of the scenes. I haven't gotten my free meal yet but I think that I get it at the end of the day. I'm sure it's like a steak or lobster or something. I mean, come on bro, this is a feature. This is big time. It feels good to finally make it man."

Trott didn't offer any details about the film. When we asked him to tell us more about the plot, he just looked at us, got a big smile on his face, said, "you'll have to wait for the movie to come out," winked at us and walked away into the sunset. At this moment, he was almost hit by car, but luckily, was able to avert it.


Trott Felipe PSA: I was watching Neil Young Heart of Gold the other day and it got me thinking... We should all begin stock option trading more. Heck, I'm even considering buying New York Office Space at this point just to do it. It just makes you think man... What if everybody really pushed themselves to the limit of their potential and abilities. The world would be a better place. So if you are sick of selling cheap wedding favors for a living, join me Trott Felipe, in living the Trott Felipe dream. The more you know... flying star




Contact at antonlash@aol.com.

Trott Felipe Changes Name To T-Flip

In an attempt to gain fan support from the African-American community and white surburban kids that grew up listening to Eminem and think they have a tough life now too, Trott Felipe will change his name from the classic "Trott Felipe" to T-Flip for short. T-Flip will go around to all the latest urban hip-hop shops in attempt to spread the word using something called "fliers." T-Flip will also post large signs on every telephone pole or tree on the same street. The signs will read "T-FLIP. THE NEW NAME OF TROTT FELIPE. DROPPING JANUARY 2006 YA'LL." T-Flip will buy clothes, exclusively in the size of XXL and begin making mixtapes, or technically, mix CDs.
It's also been reported that Trott, excuse me, T-Flip attempted cornroles...unsuccessfully.
When reached for comment, T-Flip had this to offer up, "Yo, like I just been seein what fools be doin, betweenz Eminam, Tha Professor from And One Mixtapes andz Paul Wall A.K.A. "The Iceman" and I was like, I needz to get mez into that demo yo. Plus, Jamie Foxx was an actor and now he is getting into music as well. Yo." It is unknown whether T-Flip's approval ratings have gone up in none-white communities, but we asked one anonymous African-American Gentleman person on the street and he seemed to think so. (This report was later thrown-out when it was discovered that he thought we were talking about famed Houston rapper Lil Flip and not T-Flip.) Whatever the case, T-Flip is ready to take over Hollywood in his new demographic. He is clearly the next Usher.


BREAKING NEWS: T-Flip just changed his name back to Trott Felipe and took all of his XXL clothes back to the store. Luckily, he kept the tags on all items.




Brian Laesch is a writer, but you can only be a reader if you are totally awesome enough.

And Now, A Public Service Announcement From Trott Felipe

Hey kids? I know what you are thinking. What am I going to do? Valentine's Day is coming up. Am I going to buy Valentine Day Flowers or Valentine's Day Gift Baskets for that special someone? Or, should I spend a little more money and get them some diamond bracelets?

Well if you get any of those things you would be wrong. That's right folks, I, Trott Felipe, am endorsing the best gift that anybody could get for their loved ones on Valentine's Day...a team of lawyers to take care of your accutane lawsuits. Most people nowadays are addicted to the drug accutane, right? So chances are, that your significant other is no different. It's perfect! Jump on the bandwagon now and when other big stars like myself start doing the same, you can say that you had a lawyer or team of lawyers to take care of your accutane lawsuit before the Jim Carreys and Eva Longorias of the world. Don't thank me. You already have by being my fan. Trott Felipe.

Trott Felipe Attends Golden Globe Awards, Dream #1 Achieved

First and foremost, Trott Felipe would like to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for allowing him to attend the Golden Globe Awards as a seat filler this past Monday evening. Trott would also like to thank Martin Luther King Jr. for being a part of Brokeback Mountain winning the Best Motion Picture - Drama category. Trott is sure that Martin Luther King's 1963 "I Have A Dream" speech was meant to include gay cowboys with fireworks going off over their heads as well.

Although Trott was escorted out of the Golden Globe's halfway through for filling George Clooney's seat and drinking some of his champagne, accidentally of course, Trott praised the HFPA for letting him attend. Afterwords, we caught up with Trott at his own Golden Globe Afterparty at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf on Sunset & Fairfax and he had this to say, "Dudes, it was awesome let me tell you. It was really great to be at a ceremony with my fellow peers/successful actors. Tonight is one of those little nights that reminds me again that I have made it. It's great to be partying afterwards with 2 of my best friends from acting class too. All I have to say about the rest of the night is, Good Night And Good Luck. Get it?"

Trott Felipe To Release His Own Jewelry Line?

After a successful week of extra work on Navy NCIS, and encouragement from friends, Trott Felipe is said to be opening his own line of jewelry. Trott's primary focus will be gemstone jewelry and Pet ID Tags to start. The renaissance man said that his father used to do precious metals quotes and that ever since then, he has "dreamed of getting involved in jewelry." The line of jewelry will be sold at a location right next to the Beverly Center in Los Angeles (the trunk of Trott Felipe's 1995 Honda Accord Station Wagon in the Beverly Center parking lot, location 3F). Apparently Trott saw what Paris Hilton and other celebrities have done with their own lines of jewelry and figured it was the next step in his legendary career. Trott also said, "Man, Jacob The Jeweler is like really cool too. You always hear rappers say his name in songs and stuff. Someday that will be me bro. Just watch." The source of Trott's jewelry is unknown and it is yet to be seen, how the first jewelry line by a male celebrity will do. Trott isn't worried about this, as he points out, "Dude, everbody has got to get their jewelry somewhere. Why not from Trott the Teweler?"


Trott PSA: Hey kids, have you accidentally taken the drug bextra after discovering it under the kitchen sink? You may need one, or a whole team of bextra lawyers. I don't know where to find them, but that sucks for you. You should work on that.

Trott Felipe, He's Just Like The Rest Of Us!

Even though Trott Felipe is a huge star and a legend of film and cinema, he is just like the rest of us! Trott. They are just like the rest of us!
Trott washes his clothes in community laundry facilities. He hooks up with Asian girls. He parks in handicap parking spaces even though he isn't handicapped. He plays Golden Tee Complete at the local arcade where he is the oldest person there. He eats food. He breathes air. He steals his friend's girlfriends and doesn't feel bad. He uses toilets. Celebrity Trott Felipes! They're just like us! Holy shit! What a fucking dumbass revelation!

Trott Felipe Has Weight Issues?

In light of the recent anorexic issues and drug problems surrounding Hollywood, or at least US Weekly, with Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, etc., friends and family of star actor Trott Felipe are worried about his present condition.
After Lindsay Lohan's hospitalizing and admission of bulemia and cocaine use, the cat may be out of the bag for other Hollywood stars as well.
When the Trott Felipe Fan Club tried to interview Trott as he was getting into his car outside his studio apartment, he pushed us away, flicked us off and threw a can of slim fast that had white powder on it at us.
Most of his fans think there is no way he could be involved in eating disorders or drugs though.
Also, many vioxx lawsuits are expected to come from this story as well, even though the drug has nothing to do with it.

Trendy Trott Felipe Tries to Make Gold Cool Again

Remember when gold was cool? Remember when platnium was unheard of as jewelry? Do you know the price of gold nowadays? Famous comedian/actor/songwriter Trott Felipe does. Trott, known in Hollywood (his apartment complex on Hollywood Blvd.) for being a trendsetter is trying to stir up a comeback for gold. He has been spotted at places like Ralph's and Amoeba wearing thick gold chains and gold rings.
When reached for comment, Trott replied, "Gold man, remember when it was cool? I'm trying to use my starpower to save the people that sell gold from starving."
When gold was reached for comment it was smoking a cigar and said, "Who the fuck is this douchebag wearing me as a necklace? I'm gold. I don't need a comeback. I'm still the reason for Fort Knox mutha fuckas. I'm gold!"

This Just In, Trott Felipe Ain't No Sissy

Trott Felipe drove through West Hollywood's Santa Monica Blvd. earlier today and was disgusted with all the buff dudes in Aeropostale trying to check him out. When reached for comment, Trott exclaimed, "I ain't no sissy man. I'm a Hollywood action movie star. I don't wear no pearl jewelry."
When asked to elaborate on what his comments meant, Trott said, "I ain't no homophogue either man."
When explained that the reporter didn't call him a homophogue and that the correct term was actually "homophobe," Trott replied, "Hey bro, what did you call me? You tryin to get rolled on bro?"

Trott Felipe Watches 2006 Rose Bowl Like Other Celebrities

In the interest of internet marketing, Trott Felipe realized that he had to do what was cool and attend the USC-Texas National Championship game like other celebrity actors looking for exposure, who may or may not have been USC or Texas college football fans before tonight's national championship at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, CA.

Trott Felipe did not actually attend the game, but he did want his fans to know that he was watching it on TV at his studio apartment, which, in Trott's words, "is like, almost being there." Trott also believes that since Matthew McConaughey was on the sidelines rooting for Texas, and that Trott was watching the game on TV and rooting for Texas, he is almost on the same level as McConaughey as an actor. "It really shows that great actor minds think alike and that I'm really closer to Hollywood fame than I think," says Felipe.