Cool Jerk

Inconceivable, man. Could I get any luckier? I've been out of work all week, after being selected to be an alternate juror on a trial in downtown Los Angeles. Being an "alternate juror" is really, really, really important. I get to be there all week, but do nothing! I get to "play" juror, but I'm not really "in" the jury. It's so sweet. I might as well be wearing Osh Kosh B'Gosh red corduroy overalls and playing with Ninja Turtles action figures while I'm in the jury box. When addressing me, they should call recess "nap time." I shouldn't be in the jury box. I should be sitting in a fucking sandbox right under the judge, building sand castles and bugging the court reporter. So ridiculous. When the jury went into deliberation today, I got to sit in the hallway, as if I had just gotten in trouble for snapping Sally Jenkenheimer's bra strap in 8th grade! (That never happened.) Awesome!
But the best part? I have to go back Monday morning! SuperMarioBrothers! I have to frickin' (and I type "frickin" with the highest verbosity possible, or something) be there at 8:30 a.m. and just to sit on a cold stone bench in a hallway that reminds me of the movie The Shining (I don't know why, but it does) until these idiots come up with the obvious verdict that should have taken 5 minutes today.